Learning about your Projectorness at 85yo
If you read my Dbay post I linked in here yesterday, you’ll already know that my week is very dad-filled already and tomorrow we have a road trip on the calendar
(gonna go visit middle kiddo Miss 4/6 emo Gen, his plan is to pick me up at 9am 👀. The kid we’re visiting is busy setting up her new apartment in preparation for college graduation in May - how very 4th line of her … her whole college experience has that 4th line theme going on actually)
Here’s the Dad chapter for yesterday - it ended up getting written in the VIP projector group but it actually belongs in here 🙃
Ahh well, writing happens where it happens 🤓
Yesterday I got to share about uninvited projector-ness and other random projector common things …
(like someone coming back to tell you that “so in so says” something you already guided them around, but they didn’t hear you)
… with my dad - he’ll be 85yo this year 🥹
We were talking about his interactions with my Stepmother - who he’s constantly complaining about … typical Projector complaints mostly. 🤓
His chart is 5/1 emotional authority projector with defined ego.
He often swoops in with his uninvited practical solutions and then wonders why it doesn’t land well.
I haven’t seen her chart. But he does it with all of us. Always has for as long as I’ve known him.
I learned to be direct when it was in inappropriate directions. Most of the time it’s pretty mundane and also, part of a larger conversation.
We also got to talking about how different he experiences talking to my kids - did not get into their Types and profiles yet, though I think there’s things that can be seen there -
(he finds the 4/6 emotional Generator the most warm and fuzzy, for example ☺️ … as opposed to the 3/5 MG and the 2x 1/3 Ps -if I include myself lol)
But rather, I spoke about timing and guiding the people who are open to it. And also pointed out that the timing of having access to him was more perfect for the middle kid than for the other two.
So of course they have a different experience of him.
All of these things are what life brings us.
Watchable with snack in hand or not.
Not doing so, retains the resistance and friction in our lives.
He opened the call with “are you still interested in taking care of my dogs when I die?”
Because he’s been thinking he’s maybe been having heart pain (he’s a heart patient) … or “is it my ribs from working out at the gym” 🤓
lol I have no idea - it’s an ongoing puzzle for him, and it’s not my thing to be involved with … I just listen to that part a lot.
But here’s the thing - somewhere in the middle of our long and rambling call (he called me, I never call him, but I never call anyone really)
Somewhere in the middle, he said “hey my chest doesn’t feel weird anymore, maybe I just needed to talk to someone”
(notice it’s not about me, or at least only me … and thank goodness, because oof I would be tired - my two girls and I all have right minds - his is Left and open heads to his defined one … it’s been interesting, we work as sort of a tag team and he spreads the conversation love around 😄)
Anyway, all kinda cool to be able to watch unfolding. It’s been nearly 9 whole years since I first (excitedly 😂) announced to him that we’re both Projectors. And he looked at me like I had two heads 🙃
Then yesterday, when I said something to the effect of ‘what you’re describing there (with my Stepmother) is pretty ‘projector normal’
I could feel him finally actually listening.
I’m sure I’ve gotten way better at explaining/transmitting the knowledge wth I’m meaning to and not just opening up the firehose … having had years of practice now.
Timing really is a thing.
Yeah, all pretty cool to watch 🍿
Not sure if I’m looking forward to fielding more questions about Design with him or not.
Tbh, if it just offers insight into how his communications go, with his grandchildren especially, and eases his heart … that feels like it’s good enough.
❤️
PS this is the two of us in December at Aleda and Austin’s wedding ☺️