Cross of Tension and 1st line bits
“You have a 1/3 child on this cross,(Cross of Tension) they‟re going to drive you crazy.
The great privilege I have in my life is my son Jeeva. He’s got the 30 to my 41. He’s got the 19 to my 49. He’s a 39/55. He’s got the 22 to my 12. He is an emotional conditioning atomic bomb. And he still lives. And I don't explode when he comes into my aura. You can‟t imagine with his 39 what a provocation that is. He’s a cosmetic dentist. And what I love most of all about it, because it doesn’t bug me, is the twinkle in the eye when he is provoking you.
There is this twinkle, there is this glee that says “I can mutate you”—he’s a 3/60 as well—“I can mutate you any day of the week. I can mutate you right now, this moment.” This is the power that’s here, this extraordinary power to mutate.
One of the things that people don't understand about the tension is that if you don't resist the tension that you get from these beings, they’re driving mutative forces within you.
They’re helping you find your spirit. They’re helping you find your purpose. They’re helping you gather together. They’re helping you find your skills.
Oh, it doesn't feel like that. This is that horrible voice somewhere in the background that says this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. Yeah, yeah. It’s not comfortable to have them do that to you; but, that's what they're for.
This is a deep, deep dark force. You’ve seen that throughout civilization. If you want to see the deepest, darkest feminine force, you’ll find it here, because this is the feminine force that never lost its power, never gave it up to the patriarchy, never surrendered it to the father, have always seen the father as their own son. That’s how powerful they are.
And yet, when you see them in life as not-self it’s tragedy, milquetoast and weaklings and clingy people afraid of mutation, afraid of transformation, beaten down for their provocation.
A 1/3 child is going to provoke its parents—you made a mistake, you made a mistake, you made a mistake—whack, whack, don't tell me that. Don‟t talk to me that way. I know better; I‟m older than you….
He mutates me into being a more considerate father. It’s so easy for someone like me to be absorbed in my process in my studio and then there's a little voice in the wilderness somewhere in the house screaming, “I’m hungry.” And I know the moment that I hear that, that if I don't get up and get the little guy some food, he will not go get it himself. He will keep on calling intermittently. He will begin to sound like some poor Biafran; there will be these cries and moans and groans, his outrage. And no matter what I try to do, I know it's not going to stop until he's fed. I have tried things like: go get it yourself. It doesn’t work.
After all, he’s here to provoke me, not the other way around. It is impossible for me to provoke him. I tried, you can’t. As a matter of fact, it’s terrible, because if I try to provoke him he’s better than I am at this game. He immediately turns it around on me; I don’t bother. He’s the boss, right? He mutates me into being a more considerate father. I’m very aware of that. I go upstairs; I make his sandwich, make sure he has his food. Can I go now? No, no, no. I manage to say things like: “you can say thank you”.
What do you do with a 1 personality?
For years people used to complain about me that I’m an authoritarian. I have ten 1st lines; what am I supposed to do, pretend I'm not?
And here are my two boys with their personality 1st lines. And there he is: I’m hungry. This is a command. No request, no nothing, this is Manifestor work. They like having a Manifestor father, these little Generators. I become their super slave.”
~Ra Uru Hu