"I’ve been so conditioned to put others first even if I’m not ok"
If this is something you know to be true for you, it's possible we've crossed paths for a reason.
My Personality Sun is 27.1 exalted - keynote: Selfishness.
This came up because of the earlier post about Right Angle Incarnation crosses that said:
"If you're Right Angle and you're not selfish, you're screwed. Really, because to be Right Angle is to be selfish. And I do not mean selfishness in a nasty sense at all. Please understand that. I just mean selfishness in the sense that the priority for you is you first. If you're okay, then everything else can be okay, but you have to be okay. If you're not okay, it doesn't matter if the other person is okay. It doesn't help, never helps."
~ Ra Uru Hu
And the question that came next from a Planet Andrea peep was - “doesn't that conflict with the energy that 19/49 brings to the world?” (he and I have this same channel defined) .... 19/49 is energy which is basically about seeing that everyone in our personal tribes have what they require in the resource direction.
Which, tbh, can lean towards allowing ourselves to become a bit of a doormat and/or enabler.
It's a fine fine line.
And it's this "Selfishness" line in my Personality Sun and also in my P North Node there's Gate 27.6 ... 'a protection against an abuse of generosity.' These things come together to temper, have learned how to mitigate and potentially guide the energy to over-give.
In a nutshell, what it comes down to (and I realize this is easier said than to notice in our own lives and also put into practice sometimes - yet it's necessary to Live as Yourself) ...
The bottom line is simple - we can't feed people from an empty refrigerator.
Period.
Double period even.
PS. This leads my thinking as I'm typing into the next natural topic - for me - which is abundance and wealth (both of which are highly subjective btw) but I think that's maybe better expanded on in the Dbay Locals.
Because the next question that most people I run into ask is "how" and for me, having not been born into a family that endowed me with financial wealth (wealth in other ways I can see for sure) ... that's the realm I can have conversations. Doing business as yourself is - for me - the only thing I can speak to as a way to abundance and wealth.
Managing a trust fund "as yourself" or managing multiple inherited properties "as yourself" ... these things are simply not in my experience zone. Might I bump into that here and there? Sure. But that's always only a one-on-one, as I'm recognized and invited dealio.
My more obvious Outer Authority is around being "yourself" conversation and guidance around "hows" of -
online selling systems
parenting
while art-ing
recognizing your Notself
accepting partners as is (with this selfishness and guard against abuse of generosity being a particular focus)
Hmm what else 🤔
A core thing these things have in common is - the need for "selfishness" as a primary concern. My Dad, an ego defined Emotional Authority Projector said something to me years ago and WAY before I met Human Design, that underscored why this is so important to any business (or family Penta for that matter).
Well, I digress ... maybe more over in Dbay. If you want :)
That's over here -
https://dbay.locals.com/