AARQ - what’s an Emo wave like irl
So this question was asked in one of the Projector groups the other day. I thought (made an incorrect assumption) it was an emotionally defined person asking - it wasn’t 🙄, so now I’m assuaging my flare-up of bitterness by salvaging my efforts over here :)
It’s a revisit of stuff I shared at the time of the examples I shared and maybe there’s some nuance/nugget or maybe not. 🤷🏻♀️
Here’s the original post -
“Curious to hear from those with emotional authority..
No truth in the now…so you wait out your wave before making decisions, but what about everything else? For example, intuitive knowing.. can you have a “knowing” in the now? Or is everything colored by the emo wave and need time?”
This is the moment when I could have asked “Why are you asking?” … but I didn’t 🤦🏻♀️🙃
First Koen replied -
“"so you wait out your wave before making decisions" no... you wait until the decision appears or disappears... Time! I do not connect it to a wave... just time.
Decisions need time... However, the body moves a lot without a decision. Acts often in the now.
Knowing, a message in your head, is the mind. Typical, you ask a question to an emotional person and they will always take some time to answer. So there's never knowing in the now. it's always a (little) bit later...
https://d-oracle.blogspot.com/2019/08/i-love-my-emotional-authority.html
And I replied -
“I’m in year 8 of my experiment.
I used to believe that I knew what I thought/felt about a thing could be instant.
But the longer I’m in this the more it comes clear that that just isn’t true.
My body does move without “my help” but that’s not me “knowing” this or that.
I got to see an example of this earlier in the year when I was inspired to experiment with dot mandala painting. I went hard at it for about 4 months straight.
I put dots on all manner of sizes of things.
Came to this larger canvas (24”x24” - huge when you’re filling it with tiny dots lol - took a long long time - it’s actually still not finished) and I got the gift of recognizing my own inability to see what I can only describe as my wave “seeing” that canvas.
Tickled with what was it was turning into one day, totally hating it the next - again and again, over time - my seeing of it fluctuated. Till it settled on - yeah happy with it. So far anyway 😂.
And it made me really understand how without the opportunity to see the the thing over time, any of the individual snapshots of ‘knowing in the moment’ weren’t conveying the whole story to me.
There was another example in October where we went camping at a mini music festival - correctly invited but to see/recognize what exactly is always the question mark. I had a lot of takeaways - I wrote about them in my Locals if you want I can find the link to that post or two. But the big oops and lesson I got to recognize my emotional authority through was on the ride home when my Generator husband asked (really casually) “so did you have fun?”
And I allowed the pressure to answer in the moment open my mouth.
It was kind of a shit show … I could have said “I’m not really sure yet tbh” but I didn’t …. and everything that came out of my mouth was nothing that his undefined solarplexus was prepared (or should have had to) endure for the hour’s ride home 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah I’ve got no truth in the now. For real.”
She then asked -
“Andrea Goodsaid thank you for enlightening me! If you had waited to share your experience with your husband..how would it have been different? Do you find when you are perhaps “down” on your wave you need to somehow express or release these emotions some how? Or if you wait it moves on it’s own?”
To which I answered -
“Ashley Vernick it would have been totally different- it came out needy (my transference) and whiney and complainey.
I needed several days to let the whole experience settle and not to make any blanket “hated it not going back” type pronouncements - which had not only little truth but also struck right into the undefined heart of he who had just spent the two weekends prior with a team of guys clearing the woods for campsites … so less than no value speaking In that moment at all.
I didn’t hate it.
Would have been fine to wait to see if I have clarity or not next October… literally pointless to reflect on it any sooner. Maybe I don’t even get invited next time 🙄 it was that yucky and unnecessarily emotionally draining for both of us.
No to me needing to express my down-wave … outwardly to anyone. Maybe creatively… but not necessarily… I’d usually rather sink into a long book or a stream a multi-season series … things that pass the time.
It really is connected to time.”
Then she said -
“Andrea Goodsaid wow so all about time and things to pass the time. Thanks for sharing I’m so fascinated to hear about your experience, I am SPP so it’s so different for me.”
Which I didn’t wait to reply to so it came out snippy:
“Ashley Vernick yeah totally different (lol thought you were Emotionally defined and were asking for yourself - oops, not sure I would have elaborated tbh. Should’ve asked I guess)”
[emo wave waiting could have happened there too 🤭 and there’s another subthread that further pulled some stuff out of me.]
Here’s the other piece of the thread -
“Andrea Goodsaid is the “pressure to answer” from open head?”
I then wrote -
“Ashley Vernick I do have an open head. So possibly. I do have an undefined ego. Possibilities there.
I think it could be as simple as someone asks something conversationally, I just don’t think to say “let me get back to you on that” … like it’s social conditioning to answer even if it’s to smile and nod (without substance) but I don’t do that…
Just me noticing more of the insidious conditioning that’s there, letting my Mind rule my life.
Waiting to answer - for me as an Emotional projector … great to notice and get even more aware of in my experiment (basically this was possibly an invitation to share how the weekend had been for me, more likely it actually was not that tbh - just small talk)
One of the things in the LYD course shared is that a trait of Notself defined solarplexus is something like “releases emotional chaos into the world”
I hadn’t sorted out what I actually felt, so what came out was emotional chaos.
I was also tired after 3 days in the woods ‘doing’ very little, but still more than is my usual.”
—————
It’s interesting to notice that even when a question seems like a question that could be one for my open head - it still potentially isn’t.
Could be time for me to stop answering directly in the groups tbh.
Hmm that’s a thought 👍🏼
Really appreciate that this space exists. Thank you for being here with me - it literally wouldn’t be the same without you ☺️
Andrea ❤️